2013 - I need a DO OVER!

Yep - poser bander here. Poser Blogger as well.

There is so much going on I don't even know where to begin. I know this is going to turn into a Whoa-is-me blog post and I don't want it to be.  But seriously Whoa-is-me.

So let's see.

December 29th. Yep. That was the day I was taking down all of the holiday decorations, cleaning my house like a crazy woman for HOURS.  I moved my couch out to vacuum and mop behind it.  I went into the bathroom to scrub floors.  I heard a loud POP.  Yes, a very loud POP.  And then I remember hugging the toilet because I couldn't stand up.

So I finally pulled myself up and went to the living room couch and after an hour I couldn't walk at all.  Within 2 hours, I was screaming in pain. I seriously thru my back out.

So fast forward to today. I am starting to walk again.  I have had two back epidural steroid injections so far, one MRI, One Cat Scan, and over 25 Chiro visits so far in this month a half.

For weeks, I couldn't dress myself.  I couldn't get on and off the toilet (how is that for being ladylike)?  More TMI, sure... it hurt so bad I couldn't go #2 in the bathroom because it meant I would have to use muscles.  I cried and screamed in pain.

We finally figured out I have two bulging discs, two herniated discs and severe nerve compression.  I think the nerves compressed were the kicker.  Oh and the lovely CT Scan discovered a huge cyst on my right kidney.  I haven't even gotten around to that one yet because of my back.  

So today - post chiro and first massage I was released to walk around my block. Yippee.  So we ate a nice dinner and then walked for about a mile which winded me. Sad.  I have been SO sedentary and my body is not used to moving.

I am getting married in 53 flipping days and I wasn't sure if A) I could even walk down the aisle & B) I was going to have to cancel my dream honeymoon to Italy because there is a ton of walking.

So I think A is covered.  B) will happen but I am sure a lot more cafe sitting and wine drinking experiences.

So this brings me to my Band.

I hit my one year Bandiversary on 2/3/13 and instead of being happy, I was in pain crying.
I only hit 63 pounds for my one year when I really expected to do better.
I am in a size 14/16 which isn't my dream but I know it's better than the 22/24 I started in.
I see 209 daily on my scale and know I was so close to breaking down to a One but blame myself over and over.
I need a fill desperately BUT I don't want one because the fat girl inside of me wants to eat like a normal (sorta) person in Italy.  I honestly battle this in my head but I am a flipping foodie and I don't want to be barfing up beautiful hand made pasta along Tuscany :(
So I am still an inner fat girl.

I have 53 days to my wedding.  I can't exercise, I eat too much, and I sit in pain.

So I just have a question... .   WTF 2013??  

I am not going to promise to be on here a lot right now because between wedding planning and doctors visits, my mind is stretched thin.

I promise I will be better post wedding.  I see there are other engagements (Andrea, Ronni!) - I am SO happy for you both.   You may know how your time gets wrapped up in the planning.

Please don't be angry I disappeared.

Oh and PS - I need a F*&King butter intervention.   And I mean it.  Something is wrong with me and butter.  Maybe that is why 209 isn't budging... ya think?

Good Night.